Application Form to Date My Daughter

I got this from Pastor Paolo's blog.

This is so funny!  To my loving husband, Don, who squirm at the thought of Julia growing up, going to college and eventually dating and getting into a relationship with a man, this is for you.

Though we agreed that she will grow up in a family environment where there is trust and respect, I will keep this form in my file.  It may be useful someday, we'll never know :-)

.

"The Gift of an Ordinary Day" by Katrina Kenison

I got this from Daphne's blog.

I was crying while watching this because I realized that as a working mom, I have already missed a lot of "perfectly ordinary days" with Julia.




Daphne wrote on her blog,

And even if you’re not a parent, trust me, this will give more meaning to your relationship with your own parents.

The thing that resonates was what my parents went through with all four of us. Now I know why the end of each summer was so sad for Mom — while I packed my things to have the time of my life in university, I left my room empty for many months… and eventually, years.

She's right, it made me appreciate my parents more, especially my mom.  I got into all sorts of trouble during my adolescence, I left our hometown to study college in Manila and after graduation, I stayed in Manila to work, got married and gave birth... I never came back.

After watching, I asked Don, "Are you ready for this?"  Without batting an eyelash, he said, "No."

Love Covenant

Dear Julia,

LOVE is all about our reverence to Christ.

True love is not seen on the flowers, chocolates and gifts we give and receive.  It is not felt simply by spending time together or saying "I love you" everyday.  Love for one another is all about respect, humility and love for God.  You will experience and know more about love through us, we promise.  Your Daddy and I are not perfect, so there will be challenges as we grow as a family.  What is important is we know how to overcome them and learn from them.

Anyway, just last week, Daddy and I were talking about how fast you have grown since you were born.  We know that you will eventually live your own life and you won't need us as much.  Our role as your parents is to build a solid foundation for you.  So, here's our LOVE COVENANT:

We will hold your hand as you learn (and unlearn) and discover life.

We will walk with you in whatever path you will choose. 

It won't be easy, you will make mistakes.

We will pray to God, that he will protect you and keep you from harm.

We will be there with you as you grow

in your relationship with God.

We will insist on our rules on safety, education, friends, respect,

humility and family time.

We promise to discipline you.  It will hurt you and make you cry. 

You will even hate us for it.  But, trust us, it will make you a better person.

We will respect you and make your welfare our priority.

We will encourage you to read, meet new friends, 

play any sport you are interested in, learn arts & crafts and music.  

You may not have the latest gadgets like the other kids, but

your knowledge, creativity and social skills will be enriched.

We will have fun together.  We will create memories with you.

We will travel. We will visit parks and museums.

Soon (at age 32, according to Daddy), you will be celebrating Valentine's Day with someone.  For now, your date choices are limited:  Daddy, Mommy or both.  

Our love for you, little princess, is unconditional and forever.

Happy Valentine's Day,

Mommy

Nail Spa: My Ultimate Me-Time Destination

While waiting for Don last night, I went to Nail Spa Shangri-la Mall for my much-awaited me-time.

I have been a client of Nail Spa since its pre-toile de juoy-accented interior days.  I go there 2-3 times a month, depending on my schedule.  It is also a preferred date venue for Don and I.

Exclusive area for Bliss service clients

The comforting bubble soak, the thorough scrubs, the relaxing massage, the wide selection of imported nail polishes and the free nail kits are not the only highlights of my visits at Nail Spa.  I have been a client since 2008 because:

• The receptionist recognizes me and greets me by my first name.  She is genuinely sorry  whenever I cannot be accommodated because they are fully booked.  But she would sometimes squeeze me in the schedule if I badly needed a pedicure.  (I suggest you call first and make an appointment.  They have a lot of regular clients with an appointment that makes walking-in during weekends and holidays next to impossible!)

• Belen knows exactly when to talk because I want to chat or when to shut up because I want to sleep.

• Belen is not on auto-pilot.  She is genuinely concerned about my nails!  She would advice me not to apply nail polish whenever my nails are dry and yellowish.  If I have a party or event to attend, she would remind me to remove it after.

• During my i-need-a-pedicure-right-now moments and Belen is on day-off, I am always confident that I get the same level of service from other nail technicians.

• I can sleep or declutter my mind without interruption because I don't have to worry about my nails getting "murdered".

• If Belen is busy with another client, other nail technicians assist me as I wear my sandals/slippers to make sure my nail polish doesn't get smudged.  

• I don't have to buy magazines because they have a wide selection of magazines.

• They have lots of pink nail polishes to choose from!

My hard-earned money deserves a quality product or service.  That's a given.  Therefore, loyalty is not built solely by consistently providing a quality product or service.  The client has to feel important and special ALL THE TIME.  

That is exactly how I feel every time I go to Nail Spa.

Menu of Services

5th Floor Shangri-La Mall

EDSA corner Shaw Boulevard

Mandaluyong City

687-4991

Unit 106 First Midland Building

109 Gamboa Street

Legaspi Village, Makati City

817-3128

5th Floor The Block

SM North Edsa

EDSA corner North Avenue

Quezon City

441-0323

Join my blog giveaway and get the chance to experience the kind of pampering you deserve!

Must-Bring When Travelling with Julia

I don't travel light.  I'd pack clothes good for 6 days for a 2-day trip.  So, I absolutely understood Don's horrified look when I finally booked our ticket to Davao last year (we celebrated Christmas there).  He probably thought, Mommy + Julia = a lot of luggage! Literally and figuratively, ha!

For our Davao trip, he was extremely pleased when we did not exceed our 45 kilos baggage limit at Cebu Pacific.  But he frowned a bit when he saw our car trunk and front seat full of bags when we went to Tarlac to celebrate the new year.  Hey, there's no excess baggage to pay for, so I can bring more, right? ;-)

Believe me, I wanted to bring Julia's (and mine!) entire closet.  Aside from clothes, here are some essentials that we brought with us:

The upcoming weekend is another opportunity to bond with our family.  Any plans?  What important and convenient things should you bring when travelling with your baby?

Lessons From My Dad #1

"Ikaw ang nagpatino sa akin," my dad said to me.


Confused and intrigued, I waited for my dad to continue.  He laughed at the fact that I, the one responsible for the major turning point in his life, couldn't remember the details.

My dad just got back from Russia.  Even at age 67, he was still requested by a shipping company to work for 4 months.  My dad is a seafarer, a Master Mariner, since the 1970s.  I can barely remember a time that I spent with him as a child.  My dad is soft-spoken, funny and sometimes reserved.

He started his story by telling me that whenever he was home with us, he would almost always be in a bad mood.  He couldn't really remember why he would get mad easily.  Maybe because of pressure from work or he was unfamiliar with our household routines or maybe because my brother and I were disobedient and unruly.   

One day, while he was angry at something (again), he heard me tell my mom, "Pabalikin mo na siya sa ship niya.  Lagi na lang siya galit dito.  Ayaw ko sa kanya."  

He couldn't recall how young I was at that time, but he can clearly remember what I said.  I was begging my mom to tell him to leave home and go back to "his ship".   He couldn't believe I actually told my mom that I don't like him because he's always angry.  From that day on, he never shouted at us again.

Lessons from my Dad #1:  It's not easy to earn a decent living.  Nevertheless, whatever your job is, it should never be an excuse not be happy and delightful toward our family.

Live in harmony with one another; love, be sympathetic, compassionate and humble...bless one another so that you may inherit a blessing. (1 Peter 3:8-9)

Quality Time

The most common dilemma of new working moms like me is how to manage time properly.  Things will not “just fall into place,” like what some people expect.  We need to make deliberate decisions to give time for what is important in our life.  You will have time if you allot time for it. 

Here are some activities we do to make sure we spend quality time with the family:

1.      Instead of driving separately, Don and I go to and from work together at least 4x a week.  The travel time from Quezon City to Bonifacio Global City (and vice versa) gives us enough opportunity to talk, argue, fight, laugh, etc.     

2.      No Cable TV inside our room.  We talk, argue, fight and laugh some more before going to sleep.  The TV and DVD is for Julia’s educational videos (oh but we sometimes sneak Modern Family and HIMYM re-runs into the DVD when Julia is asleepJ).  During early mornings and Sundays, we spend time reading and playing with Julia inside our room.

3.      Date night is a must and it’s not all about eating dinner or watching a movie.  It can be as simple as going to a grocery to buy household supplies, paying bills, (window) shopping, drinking coffee, attending a party, Bliss Hand and Feet Treatment, etc.  It doesn't matter how you spend it as long as you’re together.

4.      We share the bed with Julia.  She wakes up at 3-5am to drink her milk.  Luckily, most of the time, she sleeps again after.  If not, we make sure that either of us will spend time with her by playing with her toys or reading a book.

5.      Sunday is Julia’s day with Mommy and Daddy.  We take care of her and do some activities together.  This is also an opportunity for yaya and her grandmother to take some time off.

6.      Time-apart is as valuable as date night and Sundays with Julia.  We have activities that we do on our own.  I spend my me-time at Nail Spa, The Spa or I dine with my close friends.

Quality time is not just being together physically.  Sadly, I have seen families who dine together but are busy with their iPad, PSP, or phones.  No matter what the activities are, remember, communication builds relationships.  God-centered relationships build a happy home.

What other activities can you add to the list?

Quitter

I smokedcigarettes for 15 years.  I started smoking when I was in college. Of course there were sincere attempts to quit, but obviously none workeduntil I got pregnant last May 2010. 

We all know that smoking during pregnancyis harmful to the unborn baby.  Studies have proven that babies whosemothers smoked during pregnancy are likely to weigh less than babies whosemothers did not smoke during pregnancy.  They are also expected to encounterdevelopment problems such as physical and learning disabilities. 

At that time, I know I should stop smoking.  But the real question is, will I quit?

I must admit, I was looking forward togiving birth.  The excitement of courseincluded the fact that I can smoke again. But when I learned more about second hand and third hand smoking, I knewI had to reconsider.

Yes, there is “third hand smoking”.  There are toxins from tobacco smoke thatremain on surfaces like clothes, sofa, etc. These toxins have negative impact on infant lung development and mayeven cause cancer when the residue of nicotine reacts with another chemical inthe air to form potent carcinogen.

There are still studies that need to bedone to further validate this but the possible risk is enough reason for memake a decision.  Not for me but for myJulia.

I quit smoking.  1 year 7 months and still counting.

--------------------------------------------

Note to my Dad:  I can imagine your face is allred… unsure whether you are disappointed that I smoked or happy that I quit.  Now I know what you mean.  I will never understand until I become aparent myself.  Thanks, Daddy!  Love you!

Thigh Warrior

I did it!  I survived the Plana Forma 4x4 Challenge.

It was not easy.  Muscle spasms that made it difficult for me to go up and down the stairs, sit, walk, drive.  Basically, pain in all sort of movement.  I even had to see an orthopedic doctor.  Thigh tendonitis, he diagnosed.  I am not exaggerating!  Try it yourself.


The form and position needed to be precise, or else you won't be able to reap the fruits of your labor.  I struggled keeping up with the instructions at first.  I remember Van Manalo saying that this too, is a test of our listening skills.  As I patiently learn the forms, Julie Alagde's "up and inch, down an inch" chant haunted me.  Anyway, amidst the pain, I did not give up.  As a matter of fact, I enjoyed every 55 minutes I spend in Plana Forma studio.  I feel like I am a stranger in a new world, hence I can just be myself.  Every groan or grunt was a release of stress.  Ironic huh?  Inflict pain to release unwanted emotional baggage.

I don't know if I lost weight (I didn't bother to know) after 4 weeks.  What I know is my seat became more round, thighs stronger, arms and legs now with toned muscles.  Beyond the physical changes, I was able to jumpstart overcoming one of the causes of my post-partum depression:  lack of self confidence.

Pregnant Again?!

Oh no, I am not pregnant again.  I just look pregnant.

To get back to my pre-pregnant weight as soon as possible was part of the plan.  Five months after my cesarean delivery, its all that is... a plan.

I hate exercising.  But, oh, I attempted several times to make it part of my routine.  You see, about 10 years ago, I hired myself a badminton coach.  Together with 3 of my friends, we traveled from Makati to Paranaque just to learn the sport.  The outfits were too cute but my interest lasted just 3 months.

Then I tried hitting the gym.  I boldly enrolled in Slimmers World in 2006.  Needless to say, that didn't work too.  I came up with every excuse not to exercise.  In the end, I realized it was all for show and wasted my hard-earned money.


Today, five months after my CS operation, my self esteem has been tarnished by my post partum belly.  From size small, I have jumped to a loud large.  I almost wanted to put a sign in my forehead "JUST GAVE BIRTH!".  Ooooohhh, I am so annoyed when I see glances (sometimes stares) from people who can't tell if your pregnant or just plain fat!  Though I have finally moved my pre-pregnant clothes out of my closet, I wanted to be small again.  Small means healthy and confident.  I do not want to be typecasted with women who after giving birth has lost the vigor to look and feel good inside out.

After hearing countless comments that I am fat and I look like I'm pregnant again, I will commit to Forma.  Forma is a unique technique that combines pilates, yoga and dance.  I attended my first class last Tuesday and believe me, it awakened muscles in areas that I didn't even know existed!  I am definitely sore now, even after 2 days.  But I will come back later and take the 4x4 challenge.  I can do this!

Plana Forma is located at 6F Jecoprime Building, 20th Drive, McKinley Business Park, Fort Bonifacio, Taguig City.
http://www.forma-asia.com/

Super Belle

After graduation, HR has become my life.  It's my calling, people would tell me.  I breathe employee activities, concerns and issues.  Their welfare is my top priority, though most of time I am disliked for my job.  Ironic, huh?  Despite this, I love the career I have chosen.

When Julia was born, being a full time mom was not an option.  I was confident I can juggle my priorities well.  100% HR Manager + 100% Loving Wife + 100% as Julia's mom = Super Belle.


Without doubt, I was wrong.   

Instead of using separate cars, Don would drive me to Lexus Manila, Inc. as early as 630am and will pick me up at 830pm after work (Yes, I spend more than 12 hours in the office).  Almost 2 hours of travel time to and from work is my quality time with Don.  That is the only time we have to laugh, talk and be silly.  Oh, aside from the quality time, we save money on gas :-)

Each morning, I would hug Julia good bye and everyday, it feels like she recognizes me less and less.  At work, I try to focus on what needs to be done.    I do not call home for I know it will only break my heart.  I devote my time to serving 50 employees.  At night, I wait patiently for her wake up and cry for milk.  That less than an hour I spend with her is the happiest part of my day.

I weep each time I think about how much time I spend for people who, no matter what I do, will always think that what is given to them is never enough.  I should be spending my time with Julia.  For her, my presence is more than enough.  I was not there when Julia first rolled over, when she learned to hold her bottle using her training cup, when she first discovered the wonders that her hands and feet can bring.

Sunday is the only day I get to be with Don and Julia for the whole day.  Is that 100% being a loving wife and 100% being Julia's mom?  Not even close.  I wish its as easy as asking Ding for the bato and shouting "Darna!".

I know someday I will need to choose.  What really matters most?  I think I already know the answer.

Mother by Default

Today, Joan is on her way to the airport.  She works as a nurse at King Abdul Ahsis Hospital at the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia.  She gave her twin sons a big hug and left with a heavy heart.  She will wake up everyday wishing she was with Mizzi and Mhel.  Yet, she will sacrifice being with them so she can guarantee a better future for her sons.

My mom used to be on the other side of the equation.  My dad is a retired ship captain and mom would watch him hug us goodbye.  I remember the feeling of not having dad around all the time.  He was not there when Ate, Kuya and I were born, walked and talked for the first time, graduated from elementary and high school, learned how to ride the bike, drink alcohol and smoke cigarettes.  My mom was our father, too.

Jae is Joan’s younger sister.  She doesn’t own a restaurant or hotel or work for a large company.  She is 30 and she gave up her life’s potential.  She willingly chose to take care of Mizzi and Mhel. 

 

I am surrounded by women who are testaments of what motherhood is all about.  Their stories of sacrifice, selfless acts and unconditional love surpass any hero’s tale.  They are the true heroes. 

I am a mother of a 3-month old beautiful baby.  Though I giggled as friends and colleagues greeted me (it was my first-ever mother’s day celebration), I felt uncomfortable.  3 months is a short time to deserve the honor and gratitude given to mothers.  For now, I am a mother by default.  But, I look forward to my own stories with Julia. 

Happy Mother’s Day to all moms… and to women who gave their lives to take care of children who are not their own. 

Cesarean By Request

Julia was born 59 minutes late.  My anesthesiologist did not arrive on time.

After 7 years of infertility, I requested for a cesarean delivery on Julia's 38th week of gestational age.  Yes, I opted for a surgical incision in my abdomen and uterus (bikini cut, of course!).  

Four OB-Gynes had the same conclusion.  Polycystic ovarian syndrome or PCOS.  My ovaries contain small cysts located at the outer layer of each ovary.  How and Why?  I really don't know.  Their explanation fell on deaf ears after I heard that it will be difficult for me to get pregnant because of infrequent ovulation.  It painfully took us 6 years to conceive and I gave birth 26 days after our 7th Wedding Anniversary.

I read numerous articles and blogs about the risks of a cesarean delivery.  In my opinion, most risks are for the mom:  infection, hemorrhage, injury to organs, extended hospital stay and recovery time.  My non-medical brain believes that the risks and complications for the baby during a normal delivery outweigh that of a cesarean delivery.  

Making the decision was easy.  The C-Section increases fetal safety.  Myth or not, I desired for a procedure that is atraumatic for Julia.  A controlled environment where risk is calculated.


Julia Dominiq born on February 4, 7:59am

Since a cesarean delivery may delay rooming-in and breastfeeding, I prepared a countermeasure -- be back in my room ASAP.  After the anesthesia was administered, I didn't close my eyes at all!  I patiently waited for Julia's first cry.  Julia was finally born at 7:59am.  Why is she not crying?  Where are they going to take her?  What's going on?  I panicked.

I wasn't aware of what happened after that.  My mind was going crazy worrying about Julia... until I received a comforting pat.  I heard Dr. Javier say "Everything went well, Belle".  Soon after, I heard Julia cry.  She was placed on my chest for our first "latch-on".


She is my daughter.  Look at that mouth!

I was out of the recovery room in 2 hours (that was part of the countermeasure -- to raise my legs asap.  The moment I could move my legs, I asked the nurse to bring me to my room). 

I waited for 12 hours before they brought Julia to my room.  When I saw Julia with Don, I fell asleep.

Dreams Come True

I googled for pregnancy symptoms:
ü Dizziness

ü Headache

ü   Frequent Urination

It felt different.  My heart pounded with hope as I waited for  the result of the pregnancy test kit I bought during lunch break.  Three minutes passed, I knew it.  

ü False Alarm. Again.

I tossed the test inside my bag and returned to my desk.  Payroll, I thought.  I should finish payroll.  I laughed at myself as I looked at the result again.  Gasp!  Two lines.  TWO LINES!

It can't be true, the 2nd line looked faint.  My heart sank. 

Like I said, it felt different.  So I asked a trusted colleague for a second opinion.  "You're pregnant!," she screamed.

Still unsure, I texted Don. 

      I think I'm pregnant.

   Don:  How did you know?

   Pregnancy test.  But second line is not clear.

   Don:  Ok.

Poor Don.  For 7 years, he has dealt with my "I think I'm pregnant" drama every single month.  Each time, he would hug me and say, "It's okay.  Maybe next time."

Despite the unemotional text reply, Don couldn't hide his excitement when he saw the not-so-positive-yet pregnancy test result.  He bought 2 more tests, but we decided to wait until the next day to test again.

I couldn't sleep.  I was even holding on to my pee to make sure I have enough urine for 2 pregnancy test kits (Crazy!). 

At 6am, Don and I were beaming.  3 tests.  All positive.  Dreams do come true.

Exactly a year ago, May 7 is the first day of my last menstrual period.  

Hence, the first day of Julia's gestational age.

I know.

I was lying perfectly still.  I was anxiously waiting for Dr. Pastorfide's instruction to get up from that small and uncomfortable clinic bed.  It was the last day of 2007 and I had just finished my fertility treatment.


Intrauterine insemination is a procedure which involves placing a sperm inside a woman's uterus to facilitate fertilization.  I vaguely remember the procedure.  What I couldn't forget was how Don's reassuring hand felt as we walked towards the doctor's office.


We hoped for a child as we welcomed the new year.  But she never came that year.
Fertility treatments can cause marital stress and psychological instability.  So when In Vitro Fertilization was suggested, Don and I decided to take a rest from all the work ups.  Aside from the financial requirement of the treatment, we thought we were not ready to face the "last option".


Just when I mastered my blank expression as I answer why-are-you-still-without-child questions and my its-no-big-deal smile when I hear reassuring words from family, friends and yes, even strangers, the pregnancy test finally showed two pink lines. 


No Metformin, no injections, no fertility treatments.  Just a prayer request.


Three years after I wrote that blog (When Storks Stop Flying), I gave birth to Julia Dominiq.  
The storks didn't stop flying.  They didn't skip my doorstep either.


But, it was never up to the storks.  It was all about His divine plan.

To Blog or Not to Blog?

I attempted several times to start my own blog.  As I start to type my thoughts, my finger would reach for the delete button.  Then, I would mentally itemize my hesitations.  Not knowing what to write about and where to start were on top of my list.  So last night I decided: I will not blog.

Today, at work, I received an email with this subject:  New comment on your post #5 "When Storks Stop Flying"
[LANGGA] Comment: "When Storks Stop Flying"

My post? I have a blog?! 

I opened the link and I was surprised to read:

When Storks Stop Flying

I used to believe that having a child is as easy as waiting for a stork to drop by. 
My view of the level of difficulty (and excitement!) changed a whole lot when I learned about the flowers and bees.
But, I said to myself, it’s still easy…
Until I watched the movie Nine Months..
How can so much pain bring unexplainable joy and fulfillment?
Again, I said to myself, it will be worth it.  It’s easy.
But after four years of being married and doing EVERYTHING to get pregnant, I finally admitted to myself,  It will never be easy… at least for me.
Now having a baby is all about needles and ultrasounds for me.  It will never be easy but it will be worth it.
So did the storks really stop flying?  Or did they just skip my front door?
I will never know.
--------------------

I did start a blog in 2008.  God amazes me in many ways.  I didn't ask and yet He answered.  Now I know what to write about and I definitely know where to start.

I will blog.